[MTM] It's not just you

The Second Arrow

June 3, 2026 | Issue Archive

Videos | Speaking | Blog | Course | Book


Don't Let a Hard Moment Become a Hard Day

Before I walked into yesterday's keynote session, I asked the participants a simple question: What moment consistently drains your energy?

The answers were what you'd expect: Packed inboxes. Context switching. The pace of it all.

But one response stopped me.

"I struggle so hard with context switching... and then feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for it being such an issue for me."

That guilt—that's not the interruption. That's the second arrow.

There's a concept in Buddhism called the second arrow. The first arrow is what happens to you. The second is what you do to yourself about it.

In a world moving this fast, the first arrow is relentless—the context switching, the crises that land on your doorstep, the day that never goes according to plan.

But the second arrow? That's the voice that says: What's wrong with me? Why can't I just handle this?

And that one you fire yourself.

It's not just you. Nothing is wrong with you. But that story—the one that starts the moment the interruption lands—that's what takes a hard moment and turns it into a hard day.


THIS ENDS NOW

When the interruption lands, your brain reads it as danger. It fires an alarm. And if you don't interrupt that alarm, the story starts.

Why can't I focus? Why does this keep happening? A better leader would handle this.

That's the second arrow. Already in the air.

Box breathing disarms it. Four counts in. Four counts hold. Four counts out. Four counts hold. Repeat.

Ninety seconds. That's not a relaxation technique—it's a signal to your nervous system that you're safe enough to think. The prefrontal cortex comes back online. The story loses its grip.

You don't solve the disruption in ninety seconds. You just stop firing at yourself.


THIS MOMENT MATTERS

Now you've got a choice. The day got disrupted. That's not changing. But the rest of the day—that's still yours.

One question: What's the right thing, right now?

Not the whole day. Not the backlog. Just the next right thing. Maybe that's closing Slack for 45 minutes. Maybe it's five minutes on the one thing that actually moves the needle. Maybe it's a shorter window than that.

You don't have to recover everything. You just have to recover the next moment.

That's Clarity. And Clarity is how you keep one arrow from taking down the whole day.

Up we go—

P.S. If someone forwarded this to you and you want it in your inbox every week—subscribe here.

P.P.S. If this one landed, hit reply. I read every one.


175 S Sandusky St, Suite 221, Delaware, OH 43015
Unsubscribe · Preferences

Mastering the Moments: Helping You Reclaim Peace and Power Through Intentional Endings

I’m Shawn Ellis—Resilience Strategist, keynote speaker, and creator of the Choose Your Ending™ method and the 5 C’s of Radical Adaptability. My newsletter, Mastering the Moments, delivers bold, heartfelt insights to help you let go of what’s no longer working—so you can lead with clarity, courage, and purpose in a world that won’t slow down.