December 9, 2025 | Issue Archive
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Why We Struggle to End Things: The Hidden Payoff No One Talks About
As the year winds down, everyone starts talking about what they want to start in 2026.
New goals.
New priorities.
New habits.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
You can’t START strong if you refuse to END what’s in the way.
And most of us don’t struggle with endings because they’re hard.
We struggle because, on some level…
Every pattern has a payoff.
Even the ones we swear we want to be done with.
We don’t hold on because we’re weak.
We hold on because that pattern — no matter how frustrating — is protecting us from something we haven’t named yet.
And until we name that hidden protection, the ending won’t stick.
Let’s walk through this together.
THE SECONDARY GAIN: The Secret Reason We Stay Stuck
Your nervous system would rather stay in a painful pattern than step into an uncertain future.
Pain feels familiar.
Uncertainty feels dangerous.
So ask yourself:
“What does staying the same protect me from facing?”
You might find something surprising:
- Staying overwhelmed protects you from choosing a direction.
- Staying anxious protects you from feeling grief.
- Staying distracted protects you from hearing the deeper questions.
- Staying in “maybe someday” protects you from the fear of rising.
This isn’t self-sabotage.
It’s biology.
Your brain is trying to keep you safe — even if “safe” is quietly wrecking your potential.
And here’s the leadership layer:
Teams do this too.
Organizations cling to broken processes, pointless meetings, outdated goals, stale identities… not because they’re ineffective, but because letting go feels risky.
Which is exactly why December is the perfect moment for an ending.
This Ends Now
Choose one pattern you keep saying you want to end… but haven’t.
Then ask the two questions that shift everything:
- “What does staying in this pattern allow me to avoid?”
- “What ending would set me free?”
When you name the hidden payoff, everything changes:
Your grip loosens.
Your courage rises.
The ending becomes possible.
Because the real fear isn’t the ending itself.
The real fear is what letting go will require of you.
And that requirement?
That’s your next evolution.
Write the hidden payoff.
Write the ending you’re choosing.
Declare it.
Own it.
Cut the cord.
And if you’re a leader…
Ask your team these same questions.
This is the season to clear space, not add more.
This Moment Matters
Right now — in this moment — choose one small aligned action:
- Send the email.
- Clean the drawer.
- Cancel the commitment that drains you.
- Step toward the version of you who knows endings are upgrades.
Momentum doesn’t begin with a plan.
Momentum begins with a moment.
A moment you choose.
One breath at a time.
One ending at a time.
One courageous step at a time.
Up we go—
P.S. If you or your team are planning for 2026, I put together a simple 5-question End-of-Year Audit to help you identify the hidden drag holding your team back. Reply with AUDIT and I’ll send it your way.