January 28, 2025 | Issue Archive
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The Power of Letting Go of People-Pleasing
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a people-pleaser.
Not just a casual, “I want to be helpful” kind of guy. No, I’m talking about the “Sure, I’ll help you move on a Tuesday night even though I threw my back out last week” kind of guy. The “Of course I’ll take on that extra project even though my calendar looks like a game of Tetris gone horribly wrong” kind of guy. The “I don’t even like onions, but I’ll eat this entire onion casserole because I don’t want to hurt your feelings” kind of guy.
If you relate to this, congratulations—you may also have a black belt in people-pleasing.
And let’s be honest: It sounds noble. It sounds kind. But in reality, it’s exhausting. People-pleasing is like signing up for a lifetime membership to a gym where the only workout is carrying other people’s baggage.
So why do we do it? Dr. Harriet Braiker, author of The Disease to Please, explains that this mindset is rooted in a deep fear of rejection and a sprinkle of perfectionism. Basically, our brains trick us into believing that saying “no” equals “I am now an outcast and must live in the wilderness alone with nothing but my regrets and a raccoon named Steve.”
But here’s the truth: You can’t be everything to everyone, and you shouldn’t have to be.
People-pleasing leads to burnout, resentment, and—ironically—often makes the people around us value us less. When we say “yes” to everything, our time, energy, and well-being take the hit. The solution? It’s time to stop.
THIS MOMENT MATTERS
One simple, actionable step to take to create a ripple effect of change in your life
✨ Reclaim your time by setting a boundary today. ✨
Here’s how:
- Identify one request you would normally say “yes” to—even if it drains you.
- Pause before responding and ask yourself: “Am I saying yes because I truly want to, or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”
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Give yourself permission to say no. You don’t owe an excuse. Try:
- “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I won’t be able to commit to that.”
- “I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now.”
- “That’s not going to work for me, but I hope you find the right solution.”
Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re doors that allow the right things in and keep the wrong things out.
THIS ENDS NOW
Identify one habit, belief, or behavior that’s no longer serving you—and let it go.
🚫 Let go of the belief that you need to make everyone happy. 🚫
This isn’t just about saying “no” more often—it’s about rewiring the thought that your worth is tied to other people’s approval.
Here’s how to break free:
✅ Recognize the pattern – Do you feel guilty when you say no? Do you assume people will be upset? Notice where this belief shows up.
✅ Challenge the thought – When you feel the urge to say yes out of obligation, ask yourself: “What’s the worst that will happen if I say no?” (Spoiler: The world won’t end, and they’ll probably just ask someone else.)
✅ Reframe your worth – Your value isn’t measured by how much you do for others. Practice reminding yourself: I am enough, even when I say no.
Your job isn’t to keep everyone happy. It’s to live a life that’s true to you.
Ready to Take This Even Further?
If you’re serious about creating boundaries, gaining clarity, and stepping into a life that actually feels like yours, my course Rock the Reboot is for you. Learn how to navigate change and align with your purpose—without burning out.
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Saying “yes” to everything doesn’t make you more valuable—it just makes you more exhausted. This week, let’s start choosing ourselves.
Up we go—
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